just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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