Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
