so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
