They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I'm having to shit out rocks
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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