Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I wear drunk well.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
