Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
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