Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
