So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
my shit smells like andre
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
