And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
