one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
