Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
