When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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