ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Come on in and take your pants off
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