fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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