I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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