Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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