Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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