Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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