I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
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