The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
