As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
