JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
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