He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
