We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize