I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Randomize
