every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
