I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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