this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
