i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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