The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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