Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
