I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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