so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
