He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I need a burrito and a hug.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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