How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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