i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Someone came in the potted fern
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
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