so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
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