barbara walters just said penis...
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
