If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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