That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Randomize
