I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
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Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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