Will you blow on my dice?
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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