I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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