You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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