there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
