KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
