He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Randomize
