Only a mothe r could love this liver
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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