I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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