hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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