It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
