Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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