all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
