Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
