you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
