Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
