Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
